ANXIETY.. the seperation kind !

It has happened.
I thought that Frankie would be the one that would have serperation anxiety once I started this internship.
The truth is that I'm the one suffering from it.

It's actaully very sad. I feel very lost without him.  Look at me trying to be so tough thinking that I was "okay" with leaving him.  But it's harder then it seems.  I'm sad.

Maybe I wasn't ready to let go.  I'm not ready to leave him at home while I go and "work".  He went to the park toda d I was jealous because I had to be stuck in an office working with the population that I'm working with thats no, (pun not intended) walk in the park! 

I miss playing with him and reading to him! I miss putting him in his pool and I miss putting him down for his nap.  I miss feeding him his breakfast and lunch! I miss seeing him crawl around the floor.

The good thing is that I can come home and see his face light up! I can feed him dinner, play and give him his bath.  But those 4 hours don't compare to being with him all day long. 
I hope that these next 7-8 weeks fly by so I can come back and be with Frankie.  Maybe I'm not ready to return to work just yet. Maybe I need more time.  However, life circumstances says that I need to get back on the horse ASAP!  And this means more time in the office and less time with my baby Frankie.

Only time will tell.  For now, I have to keep coming home at lunch time to take care of Frankie's "milk" needs and see him, if only for a few minutes.  I came home today to a happy baby! He had just woken up from a nap and was delighted to see me. Then he had lunch and had some milk.  Then I went back to work. He seemed to be okay.  BUt it was me that was crying inside.

THis can't all be negative though, I"m sure that when Frankie goes to a REAL babysitter, preschool or anyother event or place, this will be extremly happy. He does have stranger anxiety though, and he's working through it.

I guess we both have a lot of learning to do.  A lot of working to do and a lot of hugging time.

(Frankie @ Easter (5 months)

Going, going, BACK BACK to WORK!?!?! HUh!

DUn, Dun , DUN!! (enter scary/DUN DUN DUN! Music)

My title just went from "stay-at-home mommy" to "Working mommy"

It's bittersweet. IF it wasn't for this internship, I wouldn't be returning to quickly. 

But it turns out that I gotta do what I gotta do!

Theres no way around it.  Upon completing these hours, I will officially be a Substance Abuse counselor.

But that means, that I have to leave Frankie fora few hours every day and no, I'm NOT happy.

Is he drinking out of a bottle yet? The answer it NO!!

Is he drinking out of a cup?  The answer is NO!! Well... it depends what you condsider "drinking our of a cup" means.  If it means that he take a swig of his cup and then lets the water drip out of his mouth, then NO! he's not!

So what am I going to do?

Pump, and pray for the best.

It's only going to be for 4-5 hours max, so I can feed before I leave, pump and have a stash ready. The good thing is that he's on solids now so he's not completly, 100% dependent on me for food.

If worse comes to worse then he'll just have to learn how to take bottle once in a while.

It's very frustrating because I didn't plan this out.  I should've just given him a bottle day 1! But I didn't!   I listened to the doctors and nurses and the lactation consultants instead of my own mother!  and yes, she said, "I told you so!" 
*sigh

I'm kinda freaking out a little.

It's one of those, scary moments in your life when it's like life changing.  Almost like the first day of school.  YOu don't know who your teachers are or who you're going to sit by in class. You don't want to sit next to the smelly kid or the bad kid cause then you'll get in trouble and then you don't want to be off with someone you don't know too well.

Thats where I'm at right now,  I don't know if I'm going to work with the smelly kid or the bad boy/girl. 

i'll live though. I mean, I get through everything else right? I manage to pull through some way some how I'll survive these next months.

Frankie will need to detach himself a little from me and he's going to learn that when mommy says, "Drink out of this cup please" I mean business.

I don't want to leave my baby though :( Seriously sad!

I'm going to miss funny stuff like this.

Wishing I didn't have to, Mayra

Frankie's First summer!

Ahhh summer time! Theres something about the cool breeze on those summer nights.  I love summer!  I' m not so crazy about the heat, but still summer is one of my favorite seasons.  I love eating ice cream and sitting, B.B.Q's. I love the beach and pool! 

Summer time always reminds me of childhood. I remember going to the beach as a kid and spending the entire day with my family.  We used to go to a beach in Ventura that had a picnic area. We'd camp out all day, hit the beach, eat and head home at sundown! It was a great time. 

Now, that I have my own baby, I want him to experience and love summer just as much as I do.
 Although, I don't think that going to the beach to lay out is possible, I thought I'd bring the pool to me.

He loves the water!  Remember how when we went on Vacation, he loved the water? Well, he still does! He loves splashing and doesn't get scared.

Theres still a lot of summer time fun our way! I think that I want to go to the beach this week, before I start an internship for school =(
(omg! I thought I deleted this post but I didn't!!!)

Okay, so where was I? Oh yes, I was saying that maybe I can take Frankie to the beach this week.  Maybe we'll kit trendy Venice or laid back Zuma?! Hmmm!! Decisions, Decision.....

Ice Cream, Pools, and Summer, Mayra!